I shivered in the early March wind on my way to the beach. A walk was needed, it was clear. My belly felt a pitter-patter, and there was a slight shaking in my limbs. In a few hours, my group from the Synthesis workshop would play the Game, and I had some bouts of dread. Despite it being a game, it was not fun. Despite all the amazing aspects to it: a magical synchronicity, a mirror for oneself, and a microcosm of our life choices; despite all of that.

How many times would I be stuck in one spot, burdened by pain tokens? How many times would I have to reveal some sensitive issue to the group? I could not take more pain, that was clear. Looking out over the North Sea, I bargained with God. “Alright, I’ll play the Game if You promise to not bring me any more pain.” A ping rippled through my body. Good to go, I thought.

My first encounter was during Orientation. The Game moved each player through levels, from the physical to enlightenment. Perhaps too excited to play, my eagerness moved me quickly through the levels and I ended up completing much earlier than the others. It may sound like a win, but it was not. I had not allowed the game to unfold its gifts.
Fiddling around, I helped as the others continued to play. Growing in my confidence as a helper, at one point I grabbed some blessings out of the bowl to give to another player. Kathy slapped me on the wrist.
“Stop that! You are not God. That is my role. I give out the blessings.” Sheepishly, I put the blessings back. I had overstepped into being ‘God’ before my time.

This time the Game unfolded with magical precision. We met in the Park Building library in front of a roaring fire. The room was dominated by the round table, set for five players and two guides. I was quiet inside, having surrendered my need for control after my ‘walk and talk’ by the sea. The Game reflected my passivity right back to me. The others were already making moves around the board, while I waited and waited to be born. Beginning to feel left out and frustrated, I wondered, was the only way to avoid pain to not be born? Eventually someone’s miracle allowed me to incarnate. Someone else’s miracle moved me quickly up to the mental level, where the others were, bypassing the physical and emotional ones.
My first insight card read: Time for a change? It’s your chance to be GOD. Intuit now whether the change is appropriate and then toss the coin. If yes, insights all around. If no, all others receive a setback.
I didn’t need to check inside. This was the same issue from my first game, over three years ago, when I wrongly played GOD. Of course it was now my time. After all the work I’d done, it must be my time.
The coin flipped then dropped onto the board. A symbol for a tear was on its surface. NO. I cringed as my fellow players all received a setback card, and pain.
Slapped down after my hubris, the implications flashed before me. It was the negative fallout from my early morning ‘deal with the devil.’ While I emerged pain free, every other player was brought pain as a result of my actions, a profound lesson. You can’t fool the game. You can’t fool life. You can’t shortchange your own progress. I could not swear off pain anymore than I could cut off my head. It was essential to my growth.

From then on, I vowed to check inside before leaping forward with assumptions. My lesson held me in good stead. Another player gave me an insight card from his Miracle. It reassured me I could trust myself to do it right the next time. You allow the purposes of the Christ to direct and guide you. SO – create a whole new realm of peace and love.
What followed was synchronicity at its finest. I landed on a ‘make an intuitive decision now’ square. This time, after checking within, I knew the left path was the right one for me. Rolling the die, my piece landed on a Miracle, moving all players onto the Love level and creating indeed a whole new realm on our microcosmic board.

One can live a life of slow growth and learn thru the pains and pleasures of career and family how to navigate, how to make the best of life, and, for some, how to eventually find a more transcendent understanding. But coming to Findhorn, for me and many others, was an invitation to leap, a willingness for fast-paced lessons. An important tool we were taught by the Game, was to look more deeply into experiences, recognise the symbolic meaning at their core and acknowledge one’s part in creating them.

I left behind the Game after this one, feeling complete. It was only much later, when my life was more settled, that I bought the simplified board game and invited my friends to play with me.

Bonnie Blue