“Sometimes you have to ‘go round-the-bend’ in order to see the light at the end of the tunnel.”
Michael Worth
Late in the ’70s the community became something of a hot bed for a number of healing techniques. Some were quite radical while others were more traditional. A number of Californians brought their skills and knowledge of rebirthing, co-counselling, massage, yoga and more. A small contingent from Europe brought psychosynthesis which really caught on. This more conventional approach to self-understanding appealed to me. It was developed by an Italian, Roberto Assagioli, friend and colleague of Carl Jung.
Simone in one of Michael’s fables
Gone were the days of rising above the personality level, as it was seen now that ‘wholeness’ and integration was the only way forward and Assagioli confirmed this in his teachings and techniques, perceiving how each of us comprise, on the personality level, a variety of sub-personalities, akin to the archetypes that Carl Jung explored and ‘particular’ in all of us and the way we live our lives – the work we engage in, roles we play, repeated patterns of behaviour – all these conspire over time, to create these myriad ‘selves’ who are often in discord with one another. Some can be dominant, even enslaving, leaving us feeling trapped and unhappy. Assagioli likened this inner tableau as being peopled by a cast of actors, all working together (or not!) and our essential ‘core’ self as the producer and director, creating the ‘play’ – our life; or a captain with a crew on course (or not!) for a wonderful journey, through living skilfully, depending on the co-operation of the crew and the clarity and vision of the captain. The aim of the work is to bring awareness and harmony into the often-baffling area of the personality.
A lot of guided meditation, or imagery, is used to access our transpersonal – wise selves – who often act as peacekeepers in bringing disparate or conflicting aspects of the personality together in order to dialogue, to release any pain from past events that remain unacknowledged. These exercises are surprisingly simple and startling in their results. For more straightforward issues many can be done alone.
For me, this work resulted in some profound energy shifts and over a matter of months I began to experience some inner peace and greater self-trust. Piero Ferrucci – Roberto Assagioli’s colleague and disciple came from Italy and gave some wonderful workshops, sharing the techniques and his insights with us; a number of people went on to train as counsellors.
Michael Simone in Michael’s modern fable
As I sought for greater clarity in my inner life, I had to face up to the fact that our marriage was ending. Michael had again confessed to some recent infidelity, he was contrite, apologetic; we both knew that our life together was coming to an end. I began to feel a balled fist in my chest, a clumsy metaphor for the anger, fear and betrayal I felt that no amount of positive thought or psychosynthesis was able to alleviate, significantly.
According to Scottish law at that time I was unable to divorce Michael on the grounds of adultery, though a husband could divorce his wife if she committed adultery; rough justice. I had been a faithful spouse and had no plans to take a lover, but I did find a new friend, a rebirther and decided I needed to navigate some new waters and find a more liberated sense of self, free of fear and anger, knowing that life was asking me to let go and trust.
Simone
I threw myself into the rebirthing with two sessions a week, sensing at once, just how much old ballast I needed to let go off. Basically, it’s a simple breathing technique that connects the in breath with the out breath and when done in a conscious and fairly vigorous way – relaxed and lying down – with the presence of a qualified rebirther – can cause some major events for the breather. Breathing is deep, filling the lung capacity, the rhythm changing as the process intensifies, yet in a natural way; the breather will most often begin by experiencing ‘tingling’ in areas of the body where tension is held, also, sensations of heaviness even temporary paralysis, at this point the medical profession would probably advise a paper bag in which to breathe as hyperventilation is seen as unhelpful, even dangerous, I believe, but in the context of the rebirthing it is actually the first signs that the large amounts of ‘prana’ (Sanskrit word for ‘vital etheric energy’) being drawn consciously into the body is acting as an etheric vacuum cleaner, loosening and clearing out the accumulated negative mass, stress and past psychic waste that is stored in cells and tissue over the years that can eventually result as disease in the body. As the breath work continues – the usual duration of a session lasting an hour and a half – physical discomfort fades and all manner of insights can occur – transcending the everyday thinking process; there is also a lightening of body awareness and a deep relaxation, a sense of wellbeing.
Ruby as Pierrot
Other things that can occur are of a physio-emotional nature; through sound and movement, the release of which can result in some dramatic expressions as old pain or trauma surface. The process is of course unique to everyone and there are no norms as such. The rebirther is someone who has worked through their own ‘negative mass’ and can act as a clear channel, a witness, and midwife to the rebirthee, in no way directing the event but simply reminding them to stay with the breathing rhythms that develop and encouraging a process of engagement without getting stuck or falling asleep. From my experience of almost three years of fairly intensive rebirthing I found it the most effective and at times, dramatic method of healing I have encountered and all those who I met during that time, agreed that the sessions we attended were inspiring and heart opening, healing in their effects.
Esoterically speaking, breathing in this way is – I believe – akin to the “Kriya” yoga breathing technique that Paramahansa Yogananda wrote about in his autobiography – deemed as ‘sacred’ and only for those few who were ready for a major initiation. But humankind has now reached a critical point in our evolution and these teachings, techniques and gateways to awareness have been made available to all of us, in our need to awaken to our true nature.
Leonard Orre and Sondra Ray were major pioneers of rebirthing during the ’70s in California, hothouse of the ‘growth’ – human potential – movement. They gave many workshops across the U.S.A. with their associates, rebirthing many thousands of people. Training for a rebirther is stringent as already mentioned – the work on one’s self a first consideration, integrity and sensitivity is essential. The recipient must know they are ready for change as transformation is inevitable and needs to be held in balance and wisdom.
Amber and pal
At our birth we make fundamental decisions. We arrive awake and aware, not the unconscious little bundle we had been supposed to be for so long by the medical profession – to be lifted by the ankles to dangle upside down and smacked on the rump – normal procedure for my generation, what a greeting! The quality of our arrival colours our first thoughts and feelings about our future life on Earth; ideally, we would know, “I am welcome, I am safe”. These ripples percolate into the depths of our personal unconscious, affecting our actions and attitudes concerning all our new beginnings, our ‘births’ during our lives. Sadly, most of us took our first breath in fear and the birth trauma is something we can carry around all our lives colouring everything; at its worst, a perpetual death wish when times are tough and a fear of dying, as this is what our birth often signified…
Dr Frederick Leboyer pioneered a new kind of “birthing” in the late 60s after delivering thousands of babies in the traditional way and experiencing a spiritual epiphany in rural India, witnessing there a natural approach to childbirth, albeit not the so called ‘safe’ and sterilised birth of Western hospitals but a close community, family, a sense of the sacred. He wrote the ground breaking book “Birth without Violence” and radically altered the medical procedures in hospitals by introducing the water birth, gentler lighting and kinder more natural ways of ‘delivery’ for mother and child.
As I rebirthed and unravelled the unconscious content of those early moments, I began to know a deeper sweeter sense of self, my innocence. I learned to breathe well, no longer holding my breath when stressed, but the reverse… no longer a shallow breather but using my breath as a conscious force in my life. Releasing the death wish I felt a greater sense of aliveness a sense that life was ‘living’ me.
Just to finish, some of the immediate benefits of rebirthing run as follows: living in the present is not simply a concept but a reality as life becomes more immediate. ‘Thinking’ is not so obsessive or absorbing as we begin to perceive the processes of mind/brain as tools rather than enslavements. Gratitude becomes a constant and ‘felt’ experience; life becomes more pleasurable. Life is perceived as benevolent. The patterns of cause and effect and the ‘power’ of our thinking becomes more obvious. Love can be experienced as the air we breathe. These tools for transformation helped to heal both my head and heart.
Carl Jung wrote of the harmony inherent in balancing the instinctual part of our nature with the reasoning, cerebral, aspect. Psychosynthesis is all about bringing together the often fragmented psyche into a greater sense of wholeness, through peace work and the intent to live more consciously, skilfully, kindly, for one’s own sake and for our love of others, the world. In the words of Piero Ferrucci “The tragically clumsy way in which humanity handles its own aggression generates massive destruction; sometimes we can succeed in turning our aggressive energy from destructive into constructive action”.
I have found by using my instinctual nature I can sense the disparities and forage for the clues that cause my disharmony, tracking down the shadow self, seeking insight, light, all the while asking the questions that my reasoning, presents “what needs to live in me, what needs to die? What nourishes me and what is it that weakens me? How can I live a life that has meaning for me? What brings me joy? Let me learn the skills of willing into being the best I can create, each day in any small way; my life as a work of art, lived from my centre rather than the periphery”. Choosing and no longer living by default; perhaps this is what it means to live a creative life and to utilise “free will”.
If psychosynthesis helped to heal my mind, rebirthing healed my heart which was torn in childhood from seeing so much pain in my family and my mother on almost a daily basis. I needed to hear the anguish in my grieving, feel floods of hot tears coursing down my face and neck. I needed to cry out in protest, beat pillows, shake, tremble, sweat and breathe the pain out of my cells and tissues in those sessions, eventually finding a natural sense of rapture in being clear and clean, celebrating the sense of simply being an entirely human being.
(The U.S.A., Britain, and many European countries have a directory of certified rebirthers).
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About the photos: Many individuals were involved in the performing arts during the 1970s at Findhorn. Much of the work was well documented by seriously talented photographers. As I only have access to my own album of the ’70s, many of the images above are of a more personal nature, and sadly I don’t know whom to credit for the photos.
A big Thank You to my grandson Ziggy for enhancing the appearance of many of my somewhat battered and ancient photos from the ’70s.
I live very simply in this land I love. On returning to the area with my daughter Jade, I found joy in volunteering in the life of the Community; until Covid, then everything changed.
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