“The three commandments to the Artist:
Thou must start,
Thou must not fear,
Thou must be true to your own dreams.”
James Hubbell
The food that came out of the kitchen was delicious and thanks to our diverse mix of nationalities, there was an exciting and varied cuisine. “The Findhorn Cookbook” was compiled with the help of Barbara Friedlander, a vibrant New Yorker who came to visit and was smitten with the miracle of synthesis, that was occurring in our kitchen; a ‘foodie’ and writer herself, of some repute, so began our celebrity phase. Some names are lost to me now, those I do recall were mostly involved in the arts and I was fortunate to have some interaction with them.
André Gregory, a force of awakening and renewal in contemporary theatre terms, visited and shared some insights and techniques. Focusing on body awareness and physicalizing using unusual improvisational exercises. The P.A. group sat at his feet and we absorbed as much as possible from his visit.
Another extraordinary person was Walter Starke, writer and theatre director; he liked the work we were doing and spoke about the esoteric aspect of theatre and how, in its highest sense it could be a path to awakening; the basic principles of good theatre were all about bringing presence to the part ‘the zen of no mind’ past, or future anticipation; working as a team learning how to give and take, the attention, the energy the audience brought and using it for their benefit.
Tom Buchan, actor and playwright was currently playing at the ‘Travis Theatre’ in Edinburgh when he came for a quick visit, deciding there and then to take up residence as a member, sharing his talent and keen Glasgow wit. A true Scotsman.
Many gifted artists visited the community in the late ’70s, I didn’t get to see or meet all of them. Musicians would share their music in the Sanctuary or at Fun Nights as did singers, dancers and theatre people, all curious to find out what the place was about and whether the rumours were true, that here was a place where the arts flourished and imbued every day with joy and aliveness.
Some gave a talk about their lives and work; both Shirley Maclean and Burt Lancaster came at different times and actually rolled up their sleeves, staying and working for a short while. Burt worked with the construction team who were completing the lovely and complex roof of the Universal Hall and I remember seeing him, after a hot summer’s day, sitting with the lads bare chested, up on the roof, sharing a drink and a laugh, like one of the crew.
Shirley Maclean gave a talk about her ‘awakening’ to the spiritual life and her work and travels. To us in the P.A. she spoke on the theme of “acting natural and how seriously comedy needed to be treated in order for it to be good comedy”. A remarkable woman and as natural as a person who had never been touched by fame and fortune.
Impro comedy sketch
While on the subject of the arts one other celebrity who didn’t visit, except in spirit, who was the driving force in our workshops was Viola Spolin. A pioneer ahead of her time she worked in Hollywood for over a decade at the Young Actors Company during the 40s and later in Chicago in Community Theatre. Her work in the field culminated in her extraordinary textbook of exercises “Improvisation for the Theatre”. Viola grew up in an ethnically mixed and colourful family where everyone loved to dress up and act out the ‘stresses’ drama and humour of living and working in a new land, which lead her to a life in the theatre. Viola conceived a simple basic premise for many of the exercises that grew in complexity as the player progressed, this was known as the “who” “what” and “where”. The ‘how’ is what transpires during the interaction. Put two or more players together, knowing who, what and where they are, for example: a young girl, an elderly woman, waiting in an airport, meeting relatives from a flight. This basic structure gives a sense of security to the ‘players’ who then go on to solve different problems in the various exercises, engaging with the stage reality (other players and audience) as naturally as possible and finding creative freedom through game playing.
Michael Jenny comedy sketch
The discipline is inherent in the exercises, of which there are several hundred. In her amazing book, the teacher acts simply as a coach, so it’s all about spontaneity, thinking on your feet and finding the intuitive self by learning to be totally present. Many people came to Ed’s and later Michael’s ‘Impro’ workshops during the long dark winters of the ’70s, not everyone wanted to go on to do theatre stuff, wanting to simply have fun exploring their imagination and sometimes triggered hidden depths. I sometimes wondered how these workshops helped the community to have a greater sense of engagement in terms of dynamic human relationships a sort of knock on effect. There was a lot of affirmation and acknowledgement, of one another, eye contact, appreciation, hugs, and always time to share a few words, in those days.
The community felt increasingly like a powerful magnet for radical visionaries on the cutting edge of their passions and professions, artists, writers, educators and innovators, in their particular fields of endeavour; the late ’70s felt like the ‘golden age’ for the place – in this respect and looking back at that time, living and growing as an individual and as a family within that vortex of energy, with so many others who I respected and loved, witnessing as I did this burgeoning community, seems itself, a kind of utopian miracle.
Michael in hitchhikers sketch
Everywhere hummed with a great sense of enthusiasm, excitement and love as well as industry. There were so many powerful personalities working together, without the personalities getting in the way, which in its way was a remarkable phenomenon and perhaps embodied what David Spangler meant when he spoke of synthesis. It made me realise how our greatest untapped resource was one another, when we could harmonise and co-operate in this way; or as Peter liked to quote “Where two or more are gathered together”. It was hard to sit at a meal with a bunch of friends without it feeling like a celebration every day and we could be fizzing over with hilarity or on a more sober note with insights. The mix of cultures, races, background and ages was exciting and contributed to the sense of one incredible family, free of any nationalism; from all over the world we were returning to the tribe.
Michael as Moses
There was a phase of considerable expansion after some years of our living in the community. The first being the acquisition of the Cluny Hill Hotel that Peter and Eileen had managed before setting down the roots for the community. A huge Victorian building five miles away in Forres, set in magnificent grounds of mature woodlands in an ideal location, coming onto the market at a knockdown price. Ideal as accommodation and a college type facility for all the many guests who were now clamouring to visit and have a taste of all that we had to offer. We all ‘set to’ in work shifts to paint the many rooms – eighty? one hundred and forty? and it seemed no time at all before it was ready and staffed in time for the first conference to be held by the community. Peter of course, was in his element in the role of ‘host’ and helped also to organise much of the catering and festivities that took place at that time, passing on his significant organisational skills to all of us who were willing to learn. Cluny College was a fitting venue for all the many celebrations that took place around that time, marriages, christenings, dances, festivals – it was a richly and lovingly abundant time and we celebrated in style with freshly caught salmon and delicious salads, sometimes fresh strawberries, wine and champagne, but there was always decorum and gratitude rather than excess or extravagance and we all contributed to the cooking and preparation, the cleaning up of these feast days and banquets and I remember at those special times the beauty of being outside in lovely gardens, the sun always seemed to shine and there was a great deal of fun and laughter and of course the children of every age were included and did a lot of running around!
Other properties were bought for different purposes, all distinguished and elderly buildings that had seen better days and were going for a song; Drumduan a small stately manor house set in lovely grounds on the edge of Forres, later became a Rudolph Steiner School. Cullerne House, (another ‘stately home’ in the grand style) in Findhorn village and its ample acreage became a workshop centre as part of the newly emerging Education Branch, and an agricultural centre, where significant quantities of organic and delicious vegetables and fruits would be grown. Then there was Station House in the village of Findhorn, a collection of apartments and storage areas around a central courtyard used as a collection point in the very early days of the village’s history. This property had been owned by an extraordinary lady, Disney Hopkinson, she had come to see one of our shows in the now almost completed Universal Hall and took a shine to Michael and I and later, to Ruby and Amber; she would sometimes invite us to her enormous house on Cluny Hill for tea parties and tell us stories about her growing years in India, a privileged wealthy background as part of the British Raj; but also she was an intrepid adventurer and explorer, even now in her early nineties she kept a rifle by her bed and would shoot the rabbits in her garden, first thing in the morning when they had a go at her vegetables. Disney was full of vim and vigour and remained a good friend, coming to see as many of our shows as she was able – over the years.
Universal Hall
Most of the work on the Universal Hall was completed by late 1979, apart from the cosmetic details. Watching the building grow was an inspiration to everyone, with its five-sided structure, conical roof, the inter-relationship of wood glass and golden sandstone, a joy to behold. James Hubbell a noteworthy celebrity artist and innovative architect designed the stunning coloured glass windows and main doors; George Ripley architect in residence had created this unusual and unprecedented structure, with the help and support of Frances, his partner, as well as Peter and Eileen’s faith and inspiration.
The Hall Team became the largest work department in the community with Lyle as head man (Foreman); I had supposed that all those hot alpha males were highly skilled stone masons, engineers, carpenters, joiners – some were of course – but I learned recently that Lyle had patiently coached many of these people and quite a few were women, passing on his very considerable talents, in a high powered situation. As already mentioned, everyone in the community who was fit and able helped to carry materials onto the site, dig the foundations and lay concrete. It would be situated close to the Park Building in the extensive and beautiful grounds that had been owned by Captain Gibson. We watched in wonder over the next four years as it began to take form. It would contain a dance studio a recording studio, photographic studios, and a music room, office spaces, a restaurant and the magnificent auditorium, not to mention rehearsal space, changing rooms and toilets. Each evening Peter would walk around the area with Lyle surveying the work in progress, always encouraging, always enthusing.
During those years of building the Hall this diverse and gifted construction team also created a ‘men’s barbershop’ and choir, their repertoire covered complex medieval madrigals, sea shanties, classical pieces as well as some contemporary works, delighting us all with some amazing performances.
Michael comedy sketch
We began using the space before the roof was on, incorporating the scaffolding as props and scenery seemed very avant-garde and we created a few productions, even some Shakespeare. On completion of ‘The Hall’ we went through a rather self-indulgent phase for a few weeks as we grew accustomed to “treading the boards” of this new and sublime structure. We now had our half time Performing Arts work programme, using it to do a lot of experimenting with a mix of media and half formed ideas, shared by all of us – mostly playing around – as we made ourselves familiar with working ‘in the round’.
A gifted photographer and film maker had joined us – Edwin Maynard, adding a new dimension and we sometimes went out on location, using props and costumes to create some background imagery. I have this picture of us running over the tops of the sand dunes trailing balloons and wearing funny hats while Edwin filmed; it was windy and hats blew away, as did balloons, someone lost their footing and tumbled down a dune and we all ended up falling down laughing. It was very silly and great fun and I’ve no idea what we had in mind; having the Hall as a venue in which to work went to our heads as well as the sobering realisation that we had a creative responsibility to fulfil and our standards could be no less than professional.
It took time and practice to grow familiar with the size of the auditorium that seated four hundred, it meant extending ourselves in every way, visually, audibly, and playing with the new resources that were now available, colours, lights, space, sound. It was pretty overwhelming at first but eventually we found our feet and began work on a play written by Ed and Michael and directed by Ike.
Conferences would become major events now, hosted in this ideal space and our work incorporated the themes of the conferences. We always paid attention to the spiritual aspect, inviting in our attunements the ‘muses’ and the Angel of Findhorn to be with us, inspiring our work, so there would be a sense of upliftment and we were assured by our audiences that this was the case.
There is nothing more likely to bring a person into the present moment, than standing in the wings of a theatre, seeing the bright lights and expectant faces of an audience. To not know some fear before going on stage is just not normal. Over time I learned to harness and ride it, seeing myself as a channel helped to override aspects of my ego that could get in the way. Calling on the ‘Angel’ or ‘Deva’ of dance before going on stage and engaging in a prayerful way to express a particular energy, was my path to the divine, nothing flaky or contrived, it had to be authentic; transcendent but grounded in the human experience. I was grateful to be living in a place that allowed me access to such a blessed way of living my talents, it was wonderful.
However, not everything in my life was wonderful and like many of us on the spiritual path my growth was pretty lopsided. I often felt myself stretched to the limit and though the creative area of my life was rich and varied, I hadn’t equalled it on the physical level, in terms of my powers of manifestation. Running the Craft Shop gave me a sense of abundance, everything was selling well and the things that I ordered outside of the craft studios did well. On days when I worked afternoons the girls would come to meet me after school and of course, ask for this or that.
We lived on very little and it hadn’t really been an issue for years. Initially Michael had ‘signed on’ and received state benefits – it seems a paltry sum now, around seventeen pounds or so a week and he had to be available for work, taking a few jobs outside the community, he did some temporary labouring at a ‘Wimpey’ construction site and at Ardersier, a stockyard near Inverness that built oil rigs. There were no steady jobs for reluctant art teachers and Michael was very O.K. with that, his heart was in community life and theatre arts, his extraordinary talents were much appreciated by everyone who witnessed his work. Eventually it was seen as inappropriate for community members to claim state benefits and for those of us with no private income, outside employment or pension etcetera, there was a weekly allowance of five pounds when working full time in community. We also received basic food stores, ate our main meals in the C.C. and had our utility bills paid so it was fairly generous – if basic. The five pounds paid for toiletries, tobacco, things the girls needed. It went a whole lot further in the seventies than it does now and we managed quite well. There was also a clothing pool, we called it the ‘Boutique’ and it was conceived and managed by Mary Hilton, our cultured lady artist with a very discerning eye and a large porch where it was housed.
Candle Studio
It was hard running the shop though and a great lesson in restraint as I saw how money was being made and I had helped to generate some of it so it wasn’t long before I had run up a bill for children’s books and toys; meanwhile Michael felt no remorse in taking a few cans of beer off the shelf at closing time after doing a work shift in the grocery store that adjoined the Craft Shop, and I, with my bad ‘old habit’ re-emerging, so without any effort, we began a gentle slide down the slippery slope! Before going too far, I confessed to our store manager that as well as a ‘tick bill’ I’d also taken some things without paying for them and I needed to work on my sense of ‘entitlement’ as obviously it was inappropriate but it was difficult having no real income to speak of and I should probably pass the responsibility of the shop, on to someone else as I seemed powerless to help myself or rather – helping myself. He was understanding about it and asked about Michael and the missing beers. This was passed on to Peter and the core group where it was taken most seriously and we were summoned to a meeting with them which was pretty straightforward. It was decided our work in the shop was over. We were given more time to work in Performing Arts, especially important as now we were together – creating week long theatre workshops as part of the burgeoning educational programme.
Peter said “We had a lot of lessons to learn and making mistakes was all part of the learning process, how we learn from our failures more so than from our successes. Living in a light centre was akin to a ‘Mystery School’ and so whatever lessons a soul needed to learn would become apparent. The light would ‘draw’ it out like heat drawing puss out of a boil and it involved a certain amount of discomfort but this was what growth and rebirth were about; to move from the known and familiar in oneself, to the unknown, letting go of old habits that acted as obstacles, took courage and persistence”. In Peter’s vocabulary, as mentioned already, persistence, patience and perseverance were the three P’s that are needed to be cultivated in order to let go of the aspects of personality that prevent awakening.
When Ed cast my astrology chart, he told me that in America astrology was being used in corporate business, concerning the hiring of personnel. With my chart showing a certain configuration, there was a predilection to assume a sense of ownership in any area I worked in; great in terms of being entrepreneurial. This may have been a generational influence. Eileen told me I was strong and I knew how to take care of the ‘big things’ but I had a lot to learn about the little things.
Peter maintained that in a centre of light nothing can be hidden once a person makes a commitment to spirit, seeking to become more aware then whatever is concealed will be brought to light to be healed, both the good and not so good and any resistance to this process creates great discomfort and imbalance; many people, over the years, had to leave because of this pressure. There are no quick fixes to self-realisation, it’s a humbling experience, never ending and we do it alone, under our own duress.
A community of companions, of like-minded people can act as encouragement and inspiration, intensifying the process but essentially, we alone are responsible for our transformations into wholeness. This puts me in mind of an occurrence just before the big glass lantern was put into place on the roof of the Universal Hall. There was a meditation being held for ‘Wesak’ a major spiritual event of the year, the Birthday of Buddha – I don’t know that we had a great many Buddhists living in the place, at the time. For me it’s the only major religion that makes a lot of sense, with its philosophy of compassion and mindfulness, its psychology of deep loving kindness to all of life including one’s own personhood. Wesak has always been seen in esoteric circles, as a time when a particular blessing is bestowed upon the world of humankind by transcended masters, the ‘portals’ are opened for a wonderful ‘hit’ of Cosmic energy.
The Hall was almost complete though the seating not yet arrived but the ‘sprung’ floor had just been installed and I was thrilled at the idea of dancing on it; meanwhile I sat in a large circle of many people, candles burned, a blessing was given, we sounded the Om several times, then there was silence for a twenty minute meditation when suddenly dozens and dozens of beach balls in every size and colour rained down through the hole in the roof and as they hit the new ‘sprung’ floor, falling from over seventy feet they flew up again and again, bouncing with enormous energy making a tremendous noise. There were a few yelps of shock, one or two screams and a lot of laughter, a few people thought it was part of the meditation. The event was initiated by someone who was working on his inner balance who’d been given the simple task of stocking the ‘Lollypop’ Shop for the summer season while regaining his equilibrium; somehow, he managed to carry netfuls of the balls onto the roof without being noticed and made his statement. Luckily no-one was hit; Leona called it “Balls on the Buddha” which I thought was very funny. This event didn’t amuse many people and the perpetrator was asked to leave; as I said already, aggression was not tolerated in the community and neither was conflict unless there was the will to resolve it.
There were quite a few instances of unbalanced and strange behaviour over the years from various people; the place attracted those who were on the edge and they were treated respectfully and usually helped on their way. Although there was a great capacity for healing within the life and disciplines of the place, healing was not its function and everyone needed to be well balanced and to know the meaning of wholeness in order to truly demonstrate and pioneer what could be achieved by well-grounded individuals working together with goodwill. It wasn’t an easy ride but we were working in co-creation with the Devic realms and I was constantly aware of their support.
David Spangler once said that each in our own way and those that came with good will, were helping to create an overlighting angelic presence. Dorothy once said they were everywhere, every town, city, village, school, hospital, any place where people gathered had an overlighting angel and whenever she arrived in a new place, she would take a moment to acknowledge that presence and ask for a blessing of protection. In parts of Asia and many other parts of the world, thought would be given to one’s house spirit and a small ‘spirit house’ placed by the front door as a symbol of acknowledging the unseen guardian. Over time this angelic presence has grown into a beacon of light, its loving presence blessing the many who come here as well as those who live and work here, though only to the extent that its presence is acknowledged with respect and gratitude; like us, finding meaning in being of service.
Ruby and Amber as munchkins
Now the girls were about eight and ten years old and still sharing their tiny bunk bedroom of six foot by five foot! It was time to expand, so after negotiating with the newly formed Personnel Department we were offered The Cottage at Station House, a fifteen-minute walk away in the village. This unique and eccentric old building consisted of several apartments with considerable workshop space beneath them, grouped around a large courtyard and lovely gardens at the rear. An immense stone wall provided shelter from the often-severe winds – as well as privacy, ideal for the newly installed sauna and plunge pool that was open to the public. Some of our good friends lived here. Roger Doudna, Doctor of Philosophy and a maverick intellectual with a lazy American drawl, built the sauna and installed a whisky barrel cold tub in the garden creating a profoundly honest way of engaging with the locals. Ike and Maggie who we worked closely with in Performing Arts were now also busy as parents with two young ones Zoe and Lief. Then there was Paul, part of the construction team, an ex-policeman from America’s Southern States. Marianna, also from the deep south who was in her spare time doing field work on the significance of the ancient standing stones that feature in the Scottish landscape and later had a beautifully illustrated book published. We sold our dearly loved caravan to a friend for the same price as we paid for it except for the five hundred pounds extra that had to be given to the greedy Captain Gibson who then owned the caravan park and who stipulated this arrangement in all internal sales. We used much of this money to restore the cottage.
It seemed very big after our small space and took some getting used to and as we painted and sanded and cleared it of years of neglect Michael and I were also taking into account that our marriage was no longer working. As parents we had done O.K. Michael was a loving dad, fun to be with and devoted to Amber and Ruby. There could have been more time for them but he was also devoted to his work and that’s what fathers do. The girls adored him, he read to them, played with them and cooked for them, all through their growing years, attentive and available – as much as possible. In many ways we were seen as the perfect family by the community, happy, creative and for another cycle we continued to give it our best shot for the sake of the girls and our working relationship, we were, more than anything else, good friends.
The first week long workshop that Michael and I hosted, took place at Cluny College; it was a large group of very creative people and we made some good friends with fellow artists and those new to the field. A lot of the work was about removing the blocks to self-expression, working with sound, freeing the voice, movement, not so much dance as body awareness, a lot of Viola Spolin ‘impro’ work – always fun – and short scripted material Michael had written for work in pairs, to be directed and blocked by themselves and shared with the group. There was a lot of laughter and self discovery, triggered by the process and dynamics of the group, the sum of which was to share the opportunity to be authentic and available as a performer, or rather, as a ‘player’, the emphasis always on being at ease in front of others on stage, being natural, using the tools we have available, breath presence, body awareness. With the gradual unfolding of trust and friendship, people would shed their defences and then, creatively speaking, anything was possible.
Most people have the sense that in order to be a good actor they need to ‘perform’ and to ‘act’ a role, but in fact it’s a strange dichotomy; in any worthy actor it’s their humanity, their essential self, that shines through the characters they play and this was what we sought to actualise; to be vulnerable on the stage, present to the moment, this, we had found, is what created the magic for an audience, not to hide behind a role or a script. The same “principles of good theatre” apply to the way we live our lives which is why, for many ‘theatre’ can be a profound spiritual path, where there is always movement, self discovery. The exercises and theatre games are all designed to create team spirit, a sense of adventure, the unexpected, so the dynamic that’s cultivated between the players’ can literally sparkle with fun, ease and good timing. Learning to ‘play’ is accessing our inner child – not always easy for us adults – and it’s no accident that a ‘Play’ is called ‘a play’ which in professional terms, doesn’t mean it’s not hard work.
Meanwhile we settled happily into our newly renovated home with its gleaming wood floors and freshly painted walls. Ruby and Amber took it all in their stride, they had some school friends in the village; there had been difficulties at first with the village kids and their attitude toward the community children. Initially, the girls said they were called ‘the Caddys’ – all the community kids were called ‘the Caddys’ – in a jeering fashion, when they got on the school bus and at school. This changed over time as they made some friends and the community created ‘Open Days’ and extended classes and workshops for the local children to join in, pottery, dance, making art – that sort of thing.
Workwise there was no let-up; Peter asked me to continue my cooking shifts in the kitchen telling me how I made the best pomodoro sauce and spaghetti he had ever tasted and one’s talents shouldn’t be hidden under a bushel! He also suggested that I work part time in the candle studio which had just lost its leading lights, I knew nothing about candle making but Peter said that with my appreciation of beauty and inventive flair it would be a good match, and he was right, of course. Peter knew how to appeal to one’s vanities but had an uncanny ability in perceiving a person’s hidden gifts and strengths.
Jan, a young and beautiful girl from Chicago was running the business single handed, trying to fill orders for small craft shops in the U.K. as well as some local outlets, but she took the time to patiently show me how to make the very popular ‘range’ that had been developed over the years of hard work by Joy and John Drake. Joy had created the highly successful “Game of Transformation” after leaving the craft studios, along with a close friend.
My carved candles
As well as learning how to make the popular candles. I was fascinated by the carved candles an Italian tradition dating back hundreds of years and the combination, perhaps of my Italian genes and the fact that sculpting ran in the Italian side of my family, helped me to develop a real skill in this area over the following years. Jan and I made a good team, doing some experimental work and developing some new designs over the next year. I came up with some ‘landscape’ candles with hills and snow scenes, hand painting silver and gold stars and moons. Sir George would come by, praising them as ‘Tolkienesque’ and buying them for his “Round Table” gatherings, which of course thrilled me to bits. A friend and fan took some samples to various places and a real ‘feather in our caps’ was Fortnum & Masons gift department, our latest, prestigious client.
It was sometimes hard not to allow glamour to go to our heads, though the sobering effects of the community’s debt was constantly being raised now and every department that could raise money were doing their best, us included. Much of this debt had been accrued from the reckless purchasing of properties and land, already mentioned, though later would be seen as sound investments and put to very good use. Some of these assets were unable to pay for themselves at that time though a lot of good people worked hard to implement enterprises that would create viability – economically it was a difficult time.
The bureaucratic structures of good management and skilful administration had not yet matured, so there was a good deal of muddling along involved, but I’m not in a position to elucidate on this, as I was not involved in that aspect of the community. From what I understand, it was in the 80s, after I left, that a period of consolidation occurred and structures of wise management were put in place. During the late ’70s, after all the expansion it was a bit of a hit and miss affair, so to speak and there were casualties.
***
About the photos: Many individuals were involved in the performing arts during the 1970s at Findhorn. Much of the work was well documented by seriously talented photographers. As I only have access to my own album of the ’70s, many of the images above are of a more personal nature, and sadly I don’t know whom to credit for the photos.
A big Thank You to my grandson Ziggy for enhancing the appearance of many of my somewhat battered and ancient photos from the’70s.
I live very simply in this land I love. On returning to the area with my daughter Jade, I found joy in volunteering in the life of the Community; until Covid, then everything changed.
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