THERE IS A LESBIAN!

I came to Findhorn in 1991 following a Women’s Spirituality Retreat on Iona. A union-trained carpenter, I arranged to be a guest of the Building Programme. The first day at the Bag End cluster I worked with a male department member. We worked on the floating floor in what was to become the members’ house. Initially he treated me like I didn’t know anything, however, that didn’t last long as it was quickly apparent I knew what I was doing.

Fannie MacTartans Show 2012

At the end of my eight days the department asked me to work on the new guest lodge. Two months later I returned and stayed for seven years, as you do! Word quickly got out that there was a lesbian in the building department. I was soon to find out there were a heap of women who needed to tell me their stories about being bi-sexual. It was a curious phenomenon. It helped me meet more women! I was apparently the only known lesbian in the community.

Sexual preference was a supposed non-issue at Findhorn at this time, and homophobia was not thought of as something one would encounter in a spiritual community whose mission was the evolution of human consciousness. However, I had to deal with overt sexism all the time (competent female builder trained to lead + all male department = trouble!) Subtle homophobia reared its ugly head from time to time. To address it often meant being told I had created that reality – ouch – the denial was frustrating.

Adriana and Sara Vernet

There were no workshops specifically for the spiritually inclined lesbian and gay members of society while I was there. For a few years I was the ‘lesbian contact person’ in The Park. Occasionally I met with women attending workshops, listened, and answered questions as best I could — with painful awareness of very little consciousness about lesbian and gay issues in the community. In fact, for my seven Findhorn years, there was very little resource for the lesbian part of my life. Rather, I was resource to others, a privilege indeed.

As for my general experience at Findhorn? I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It was enriching, nourishing, powerful, painful, frustrating and life changing. Still with me, stellar and magnificent!

Patsy Blackstock