To understand this story I need to introduce myself a little. When I came to Findhorn I was not a cook! My second stepmum Jan was a Cordon Bleu cook but didn’t like anyone else in the kitchen, so my only cooking instruction was at school. Apple crumble anyone?

Previously living on my own, I had taught myself how to make scrag-end of neck stew… which would last me 5 days. I can’t remember what delights I prepared on the other two days! – So of course I got placed in the kitchen for the summer of my LCG months and then stayed. I loved working in the kitchen, but was shocked when the focaliser (Jay Kassirer) told me he was leaving and that I was the most experienced member of the team to be focaliser. The attunement to stepping into this role was very powerful and affirming (a story for another day)… However, taking on all the responsibilities of kitchen focaliser was a huge stretch for me. We were regularly catering in the summer months for 150-200 people – three times a day, seven days a week – and scrag-end of neck for 5 days was definitely not an option!

In those days we each covered two shifts every day (except for Wednesday pm when we attuned together as a team). We also had a weekend shift and a breakfast shift for which we had one shift off during the week. It was a demanding schedule, and led to many heroic tales when people stepped in at short notice – or we had to improvise when something went wrong (the less said about the soup we named ‘Watergate Soup’, the better!). Together we created fabulous meals and had a great time.

I was so happy to have found Findhorn and was sincerely seeking to follow Eileen’s directions regarding the still small voice within. My stress levels started to get too much for me though, and I had been praying to God to give me a sign. I wanted so much to be a good spiritual apprentice and to follow God’s word… but I couldn’t seem to get him/her to speak to me about whether to leave the kitchen or not! Finally I decided that I would have to leave the kitchen and find work in a less stressful department. So at the next attunement I told the rest of the team about my fruitless search for a clear sign from God, and that it was now my plan to leave the kitchen. There were tears…!

The next morning I woke to the sound of a strong wind outside my window brushing the branches of a tree across my windowpane. Except… wait a minute! There was no tree outside my window! In a bleary-eyed state I opened my curtains to see a message written on a piece of cardboard, The sign said ‘Stay in the kitchen!’ The team had hung it down from the window above. I laughed so much that the tense mental loop I had put myself in was broken open in that moment. Into that space over the following hours, came a new solution: I would indeed stay in the kitchen, and pass the focalisation role on to another member of the team who was ready to step up.

This moment still makes me smile, and I like to recall it whenever I get caught in a tight space of irreconcilable options. Breathe; be patient; open up to the bigger picture… you don’t have to do this on your own!

Learning from Jay