Extracts from Eileen’s autobiography Flight into Freedom and Beyond:

IN THE SAME YEAR, 1966, I discovered my deep connection with Liebie Pugh. Peter had met her at her home at Lytham St Anne’s in the north of England on his first trip south to make contacts in the new spiritual movement. My first meeting with her, however, was in meditation.

Anthony Brooke, who was very close to Liebie, was staying with us for a few days and we talked a lot about her and her extraordinary impact on the people who had been drawn to her. Anthony felt she embodied a unique quality of love; he himself had been deeply moved by his contact with her. Later, in our meditation together, I became aware of Liebie’s presence there with us. Then I saw before me a being of great stature and light and I recognised the face of the master Jesus, the Christ. I heard a voice say distinctly, “Master,” and Liebie and the Master were one and the same. There was a smell of fresh lambs wool from her robe in my nostrils.

I felt confused. What did this mean? As if in answer the voice said, “Talk to Anthony.”

After lunch I took him aside and told him of my experience. I immediately saw that it sparked some kind of recognition in him. As I talked, Anthony was holding both my hands and suddenly I began to shake all over with a strange mixture of fear and exaltation. Finally the shaking subsided and a great peace and oneness came over me as I asked to be used for the highest. I felt utterly at one with Liebie and the Christ and I heard the words, “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.”

I wrote to Liebie, telling her all this, and we began a wonderful correspondence which continued till she died. On one occasion I wrote:

I share this with you because you are probably the only one who could fully understand it. This morning as we were radiating love and tight as a group, I became obsessed by you: your name kept ringing in my ears. Then I seemed to become a tiny red corpuscle which entered your bloodstream via the throat and began to course through your whole body. It was as if I had to pour life force into your being. I was so tiny and yet I was life itself. I don’t even pretend to understand the meaning of this. I don’t think I am ‘going round the bend’, although so many strange things seem to be happening to me; I no longer have any fear. Some time ago an experience like this would really have frightened me but this time I just went with it and found such joy in it, praise be.

Not long afterwards, as I sat meditating in the public toilet, I felt the most terrible pains in my body, worse than anything I have ever experienced before. Wolves were ripping my insides out, eating me alive. Then I became aware of Liebie Pugh – and the pain was hers. I couldn’t make out what it was all about and I ran home sobbing to tell Peter.

“Peter, I don’t understand what has just happened to me. I felt this pain, this agony, inside me and yet I knew that somehow it was Liebie’s pain, not my own. What does it mean?”

Peter listened carefully, but he was as mystified as I was. “I really can’t explain it, Eileen, but don’t worry about it. You’ve had so many extraordinary inner experiences; it will be explained all in good time. Just try and forget about it.”

I tried to forget but it was impossible. Liebie was on my mind day and night. What was the pain? Then a letter came from Kathleen, a close friend of Liebie. “You know, of course, that Liebie has cancer,” she informed us. Now I understood the pain! I had picked it up even though I had never met her or known about her illness. I felt as close to her as if we were one person. Never had I identified with anyone as closely as this, not even with Peter or my children.

The experiences continued. I wrote to Liebie:

This evening I was meditating. My thoughts were with you and I seemed to become one with you, suffering great pain. I was given a vision of your body disintegrating; it was a slow and very painful process. My heart ached; my whole body was wracked with pain. I wept and called out to God, asking him why it had to be done this way. He said it was all in his plan, and not to resist what I was being shown. As your body disintegrated, I saw in its place the Christ in a wonderful, radiant light and it was made clear to me that this was how it was to come about. Do you understand? I don’t, but it was absolutely clear that this is the truth, so I accept it and pass it on to you. Let me share some of this pain, dearest Liebie.

In your love and service, Elixir

Soon after, I received her reply.

My Elixir

To know that you are actually registering a bit of the extreme degree of the pain gives me this comforting little assurance. It is stiff – recently it has been extra so – and I wanted to tell you that your sharing it has helped. I still hope it is rare and short, I always feel I am such a coward about it (you will understand) and your writing and sharing about it as you did helps me. It is easing a bit now.

This is the way it must be from now on – the Risen Consciousness. When I find myself in the new dimension, all is Love and Light. I hold you in that dimension in the now, and always.

Your Liebie

This letter brought me indescribable joy and I treasured it. Then, one day as I was sitting waiting to take the boys out, trying to create a sense of peace with the three of them jumping all over me, God told me to re-read Liebie’s letter. I took it out of my handbag and, as I started reading, my eyes seemed to be opened anew. I saw the words ‘My Elixir’ and I understood fully my experience of being the red corpuscle. I was her elixir. I was a fountain of healing helping to lift her into a higher state of being. I felt full of awe.

The next day in meditation I was given the words: “You are Mary, the mother of Jesus the Christ.” I was shocked. That sounded blasphemous to me. How could I possibly be Mary? That morning, as I was on my knees making the boys’ beds, I asked God how it could possibly be true.

“Can you accept it as a ‘ray’, the Mother ray, the Love ray? There are many, many souls on the Mary ray.”

Of course I could accept it, put this way! The idea of many people being on a ray of expression similar to that of Mary, the mother of Jesus, made sense to me. It meant that I – and all those other people – had an affinity with those qualities we associate with Mary. Then, coincidentally, I read a book, The Michael Power of Glastonbury, in which the author describes her experience of becoming Mary and being told to ‘take this to all the Marys in the world’. The essence of quality of Mary could be given to others on the same ray of expression. The pieces of the jigsaw started to fall into place for me. I began to understand my deep compassion for Liebie in her pain.

And so I finally came to meet Liebie at her home at St Anne’s. We spoke very little; there was no need for words. I sat holding her gloved hand, wanting more than anything to pour into her the strength and love she needed. I felt as a mother does towards a beloved child in need. My heart was filled with an indescribable love for her. Several times while I was with her she stood up by the fire and seemed to grow as great in stature that her presence filled the entire room. It was a very strange experience and one I have never forgotten.

My relationship with Liebie was unique, exalting and painful. Her letters were an inspiration to me, encouraging me to ‘make the word live’, so that not one word lay idle. She helped me see how everything fitted together perfectly. I wanted to shout from the rooftops, “I’m not mad! I’m not mad!” as she confirmed that the inner experience I was having with her was real. I wrote to her:

I do not understand the meaning of the terrible pain I have shared with you, but I accept it as part of God’s plan and revelation. A part of me seems to understand so much, whereas the other part of me seems like a helpless little child, completely lost, trying to find its way. This is, I suppose, the difference between being in the third dimension and being in the fourth dimension where all is so clear and in the light, where truth is Truth. My love to you, dearest Liebie, and again thank you, thank you for your help, your understanding and your love.

By the end of 1966 Liebie’s health was failing but her spirits were high. I was given a vision of her lying in agony and heard the words: “My child, put your hands underneath and lift.” I did this, but she was too heavy, so I cried out to God for help. As I continued, I found strength had been given to me and I could lift her. As I did so, she turned into purest light and I knew that this was the true meaning of ‘risen thinking’. I also knew that was what I could do to help her, lifting her and my thoughts into the light at all times. Every day I meditated on lifting her, sending her loving thoughts and paying no more attention to the pain in her body.

In December Peter was called to St Anne’s for an important meeting of the Universal Link, people connected with Liebie and her work. I remained at Findhorn, meditating as often as I could during the day and night. On the day of the meeting I meditated alone all day with Liebie’s photograph on the table in front of me, joining them on the inner realms. At noon the photo suddenly fell off the table and I knew that part of her was gone. I felt her spirit moving away from her body, becoming lighter and freer every moment. At 11:30 that evening she left her body. I was filled with the deepest joy as I felt Liebie released from the earth plane into the plane of light where she belonged. There was no regret or sadness, only perfect joy. Liebie’s task was complete.

I was given powerful words by God about the significance of this change: “Today is a day of days. There will be a tremendous release of power, so be ready to receive it and absorb it. Remember when things look their worst that this is a great time of rejoicing. There will be a time when faith and belief in each one of you is fully tested. You may not yet have fully realised that the power from St Anne’s has been implanted here. You will expand very rapidly. This will become a centre of fully dedicated souls, so be prepared.”

AT THIS TIME I WAS ALSO TOLD that Peter and I had a very close link with Joan Hartnell Beavis, who had been Liebie’s supporter and protector, taking care of her every need in the most dedicated and loving way. When I went to St Anne’s for the vigil for Liebie, I felt this connection with Joanie and a strong bond of love began to grow between us. Not long afterwards she made arrangements to move to Findhorn.

 

Extracts from Flight into Freedom and Beyond, Eileen Caddy with Liza Hollingshead, FPress, 1988/2002.