This article by Jennifer McGuire was first published in One Earth Magazine, Volume 04, Autumn 1991.

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I can still remember the sense of terror I felt the first time I ran a skillsaw along a sheet of plywood, ripping it irreversibly in two. The power of that tool was awesome to me; horrifying if it were to go wrong in some way and do something I didn’t intend it to, or not make the cut straight. That was over four years ago and my feelings have changed a lot since then although I still have a healthy respect for electric saws and power tools in general.

The world of building is so familiar to me now that it is easy to forget that it was not so long ago when carpentry and construction were completely alien to me, a realm from which I felt excluded due to my ‘normal’ gender upbringing. This is precisely what interested me in building in the first place. I wanted ‘in’ on the mystery of how buildings are made, what holds them together and why walls and roofs don’t just collapse.

Because building is conventionally such a male realm, I met with many challenges on my quest, as have all women with whom I have spoken who are also in the trade. Of course we all have stories of discrimination and of being patronized, but perhaps the toughest challenges we have faced have been from inside ourselves, struggling with the most insidious messages from the unconscious which at times gives us feelings of automatic self-judgement, doubt and low self esteem – much more than if we were embarking on learning new skills in a field which is not gender-specific.

My first experience of building was working on the Community Centre extension here at the Findhorn Foundation in 1987. I liked it enough to continue learning to build when I went home to California and to then come back and join the Foundation building department full time in 1989. At that time there was only one other woman, Margit Gottschalk, who had trained as a carpenter in Germany, and myself among six to eight men. We were working on the whisky barrel houses at the time, not exactly normal structures, which were more complicated and presented many challenges.

The work felt so new to me that I was often fearful and insecure about my abilities and skills, wondering if I was good enough, fast enough, or if I would be ridiculed for not keeping up with the men. I went through something of an identity crisis at times, having no role models for how to behave. Since most builders are men I wasn’t sure to what to what extent I needed to be like them in order to be a good builder. I certainly didn’t want to lose my identity as a woman: where did male end and builder begin? Occasionally, when I felt especially frumpy in my ratty work clothes, I would wear tights and a skirt to work – an incongruous combination with a tool belt (not to mention a fashion faux pas) but it helped me to feel balanced somehow.

That was a very educational time for me. Along with all the new skills and knowledge I was acquiring, I was moved to ask myself deep philosophical questions such as who am I? Being a woman is not just about wearing dresses, having babies or keeping house; so what is it? What makes women women and men men if it’s not just physical?

I didn’t come up with all the answers but over time I gained much more self-assurance and confidence in addition to many practical skills. At certain points I was stretched beyond what I thought l was capable of doing, but in retrospect I am glad for that. For example last year, when David Caddy came to build his mum’s house, he had lo leave for the birth of his son when the house was only about two thirds finished. I was the most likely candidate to focalise its completion since I had been working 0n it from the beginning and knew the house well. I felt quite overwhelmed. Who me? Build a house? Naturally it ended up being a very positive experience and I learned much more as focaliser than had I just been following someone else’s directions.

One Earth 4 1991 The House that Jack and Jill Built

The sign has been changed to: Danger – people working overhead

I think everyone in the department would agree that having women in building brings a very different energy to the work, though it is hard to pinpoint exactly what it is. At times it has been far from easy when the likes of Margit or myself have had to go it alone, being the only woman in unwelcoming circumstances. But I think it has been worth it and I hope we have made the way easier for others, women or men, who want to step into realms which are completely new to them.

At present there is little apparent sex discrimination in the building department al the Foundation and I am happy lo say gender is hardly ever an issue, except perhaps as a tea break discussion topic. As for building itself, I have never noticed differences in technique, skill or ability falling along gender lines. Not even areas which might be suspect such as rough framing versus detailed finish work: we have both women and men who prefer or are more skilled at one or the other.

There is definitely something special about building at the Foundation that makes it different from a typical construction site and which is more conducive to women building. The fact that the department now consists of roughly half men and half women is in itself an indication or our uniqueness. As with other areas of Foundation life, a loving and supportive work atmosphere is central to our purpose. There arc still a few proverbial corners to be rubbed off, but generally we all get along well and manage to enjoy the work and each other. This is reflected in the quality and end result of our work and is obvious to
both lay people and professionals who visit us.

y own interests in building are quite similar to those of other women builders I have spoken to, and for that matter, men too. Nearly every builder I know finds it challenging in some way, which keeps it interesting. It is not at all the mystery it was to me a few years ago but there arc always new facets to explore. Building is very satisfying and creative work. The results are quite tangible, the materials are varied and usually aesthetically pleasing to work with and it is great to work with one’s body, mind and heart.